Thursday, December 31, 2020

Announcement

I have died from coronavirus some cause, probably not coronavirus, as I surmise I have had it already, or I am in prison having committed some crime in an attempt to gain publicity for this idea. I ask that you treat the second case equivalently to the first.

The password for this site, as noted in a post that has subsequently been hidden, is 'cr.EA56ti*ve0'. The username, for those too stupid to click on the About page or the author of each post, is how2fix.economy@gmail.com.

Prior to this post, there were 452 posts in draft and 69 published posts.

Last updated 21 May.

Thursday, December 24, 2020

Triple Baka

 My sister in law was watching the television series Blacklist, which she enjoys.

I prefer to think of everyone as having good intentions. But not everyone thinks that way, and I cannot avoid thinking that people who watch a television series like Blacklist think that there are people in the world who do not have good intentions towards the human species in general, or towards people they meet in particular.

If someone from the Church of Satan thought of an idea, which could possibly only be this idea, that would fix many problems in the world, like bring an end to war and prevent adverse environmental change, would people avoid supporting the idea because it originated from someone in the Church of Satan?

One of the underlying ideologies here is that problems exist, but people don't want them to exist, and there is nothing about the situation to suggest that it wouldn't be possible for these problems not to exist. Some people can find no work, but other people work long hours and would prefer to work fewer, and it should be possible for the people with no work to do some work and get paid for it.

If, instead, 99% of people could not find work, then it would not be reasonable to say that there must be a solution that leads to everyone getting paid to work.

Similarly, consider crimes where one human hurts another physically or financially. These crimes are zero-sum, or negative sum, on at least some level; if one person gains $500 by robbing another person, it is only because the person being robbed, or their insurance company or the insurance company's insurance company, loses $500. Since crimes often involve results that benefit no one, like a broken window that must be replaced, we expect there to be some configuration of society in which there are no, or at least fewer crimes. If society as a whole benefits when a "crime" is committed, we would expect society to redefine that action as not being a crime, if the benefits of the action can be redistributed (such as through taxes) such that no one is directly or noticeably harmed by it.

If people's intentions differ, so that some humans want other humans to be harmed, we cannot reach the same conclusions about which problems can be fixed.

I believe humans have good intentions. But I can't stop my sister in law from liking the TV series Blacklist. Anyone who thinks it is possible to convince everyone in the world that all humans have good intentions, without first changing the world, is quite stupid. Anyone who expects people who separate the world into people with good intentions and people with bad intentions not to base some of their decisions around their judgements about intentions, using some metric like whether someone belongs to the Church of Satan, is also quite stupid.

I wasn't dead when I posted this, and it's unlikely I'll be dead (or in jail) when a scheduled post is published on Dec 31 which says that I'm dead or in jail. For anyone who might think it would have been better if anyone could believe that post, you can thank my sister in law for watching Blacklist.

Meanwhile, in the UK, someone uses harsh language to successfully change other people's behavior, which I could never do: https://www.reddit.com/r/OutOfTheLoop/comments/keckv2/whats_up_with_tom_cruise_all_of_the_sudden/

Saturday, August 8, 2020

Doesn't afraid

Since it's Sherine's birthday (in Canada) I'll say happy birthday.

I'm not doing any of the things I planned to do once online:

third young master, poi ; beccatilts; reckless; head in wastebasket case ;  corps


In the anime show Angel Beats! (2009), a character vanishes after she does something she always wanted to do: play music on a stage. Another character has always wanted to catch a baseball that was hit by a player during a baseball game, but just as he is about to do this, he is tackled by another character and prevented from reaching this goal.

I don't know if it's relevant since I don't know what she's doing in her life or whether she has died, but I think at one point 'Person A' was using the character who tackled the other character as her avatar.

I do think this pattern appears in life. After someone accomplishes some goal, they 'vanish'. For me, I thought for a while this goal could be meeting 'Person A', but it could also be people using the idea described on this site.

But it doesn't matter. As written in Sun Tzu's Art of War, having too great of a desire to stay alive can be as harmful as wishing for death. If there's anyone who could get people to use the idea who isn't doing so because they think it would cause me to 'vanish', I apologize to anyone who is affected by this inaction, such as everyone who has died from the novel coronavirus outside of China or the millions of people, both children and adults, at risk of starvation in Yemen. It is my fault, and you should blame me.

Wednesday, August 5, 2020

Understanding my psychology

When I posted a thread or comment on the World of Warcraft official forums in mid-May 2007, in response to Pigzig quitting WoW and editing the thread from being a polite explanation to having swear words in order to get banned, in which I mentioned crying so hard my fingers and cheeks had gone numb, Pigzig replied saying the post or thread made him happy. Something to that effect.

And thus, perhaps, began a strategy of being sad in order to make other people happy. This is how I seem to think, anyway, and it might have started here.

Saturday, August 1, 2020

Most depressing thing I can think of

If 'Person A', whose given name is probably Mei but whose family name is probably not Hiratou, only scored around the 90th percentile on standardized tests.

She started college when she was 13 or 14, and you have to be smart for that, right? But how smart? Let's say 90th percentile among all people who took a test, not the entire population. For the SAT used in the US, that would be a combined score of about 1340. https://blog.prepscholar.com/sat-percentiles-and-score-rankings

Of course, getting such a score at age 13 would be different from getting it at age 18. But I mean her performance compared to other people her age.

Thursday, July 30, 2020

What I think needs to happen

If it matters what Sherine says, thinks or does, she needs to decide whether she's completely confident that she doesn't want me to die. If she's just 90% confident, I think it's better if I just die, and it seems like I can't expect anything to happen before that. It's a risk for someone to admit that they like me, and I wouldn't want or expect them to take that risk if there's a 10% chance that it would ruin their life.

So, Sherine: think back to the Boston bombing. You said you spent that day in front of the television, watching stuff and maybe doing stuff online. I don't know how you felt then. I might be wrong and it's unconnected, but if Dzhokhar and Tamerlan did know of this idea, and the bombing wouldn't have happened if I had done nothing, or if I had simply stopped at the end of 2012 when all the petitions expired, then what would you want to happen to me?

I can't really imagine myself wanting someone to die. But that could be a fault. I always wondered, what if I had gotten into a combat situation while in the military, like my instructors at the United States Army Intelligence Center in Fort Huachuca, Arizona, tried to prepare us for by having us practice 'walking tactically' on a short stretch of unpaved terrain on the way to class?
https://www.google.com/maps/@31.5624153,-110.3431482,206m/data=!3m1!1e3
https://www.army.mil/article/126746/u_s_army_intelligence_school_at_fort_devens_closes_leads_to_construction_boom_at_fort_huachuca

If someone was pointing a gun in the general direction of other people on the same team as me who were under cover, would I have tried to shoot that person? If my gun was pointing at them and I could see them in my iron sights, would I have pressed the trigger? Or would I have just let other people shoot at each other, even if it meant someone on my team, or I, might die? Not having any desire to kill other people might be a bad thing.


If it doesn't matter what Sherine thinks, then it doesn't matter whether she wants me to die since she and I will never talk to each other again, if it could be said that we ever talked to each other at all.

Wednesday, July 29, 2020

Macadamia nuts

Had to record this thought: I imagined a Japanese person reading about US people being confused about why someone would commit suicide, and the Japanese person laughing at how people could have such poor understanding of the problem and saying to themselves, "We Japanese have a really good understanding of the reasons for suicide, it's why we have so many of them."


This post was supposed to be about what someone could do if they didn't want to waste time. But it is now also about a person who killed themselves. I think the most important thought I was in danger of forgetting was this: a dramatic action in which misunderstandings can result from timing (as in Romeo and Juliet, with the letter) is the consequence of problems in society. A story in which such misunderstandings can't result is more boring, but better, even if people are not interested in hearing about it.

I'd forgotten something that another thing, which I've also forgotten, made me think of, but I hope that was it, or at least more important than the other thing I'd forgotten.


Question I ask myself here is, does it matter if people think I'm crazy? Other than the mysterious "B" who commented on a post a few years ago and knew who Sherine and Yara were, I've no evidence that anyone except perhaps the US's FBI reads this site. So even if it's embarrassing to speculate publicly that anyone could care enough to read this post and follow the suggestion in it, if no one knows about this post, it isn't embarrassing.

If you don't want to waste time: contact Yara, at https://twitter.com/___yaara, and ask her if she's interested in me, or if that's too much, if she remembers me at all. If you don't want me to waste time, you can let me know the results of this conversation, or attempt at conversation. You could also do it privately, like by sending an initial message then continuing in direct messages and deleting the original message.

The evidence that causes me to be uncertain about the truth of this matter, instead of being able to simply say "no": I started looking at Yara's account around the start of this month. I wrote an unpublished post around July 1, or possibly submitted something to Reddit, which frustrated any attempts to do nothing for the month, but I deflected by acting like it didn't matter and that I had not changed my behavior in months, which implied that enough time had passed to make a decision. That was to say that Sherine might have died based on her inactivity, but it would take too long to determine, and I needed to look at someone who was more active. Apparently Twitter does a really bad job of updating in realtime if you leave a web page open on an account, but when I finally refreshed the page after a few days of doing nothing online but leaving that web page open (with my computer on even while I was asleep), it turned out she had protected her account. I finally put my computer to sleep then, maybe turning it on briefly to do a quick web search related to something I said to no one in particular maybe six years ago.

When I checked again later, Yara's account was no longer protected, with nothing to explain why it had been protected. The point is that it seemed like an unusual event. Since Twitter doesn't seem to reliably refresh profiles while viewing them now, I don't know when she protected her account.

Some other stuff, I emailed the FBI (about 90 personnel in leadership roles) with no reply, there was a misunderstanding and the police thought I might kill myself so they put me on a psychiatric hold. I decided not to eat during this time. So I didn't eat breakfast at the general hospital where I was at, and sometime during this time period, Yara retweeted a status about starving yourself before a meal. Her next status after that was around 11 am my time, so it's possible she could have retweeted the one about food after the hospital learned I was refusing food. I didn't eat food for a total of about 110 hours before they became worried from my low blood sugar level, after which I agreed to eat, but Yara acted normally during this time.

After I came home (maybe nine days ago), I was basically looking at Yara's account constantly for several days. Then one morning, I didn't connect my computer to the Internet or even answer several landline phone calls that were likely 'spammy' (none exceeded about five rings). When I did randomly decide to go online, Yara's account was protected again. Later on in the day, it was unprotected again.

Around this time, I noticed that when trying to look at Sherine's account, it said the account didn't exist. I did a search for any messages sent to her old account name and the conversation said that the account was protected, so she had changed the account name and protected it. However, a day or two later, it was back to the previous name but still protected. If I remember correctly, the last time she said anything on her account was Christmas 2018 (~Dec 25, for the Russians who use a different date).

That's basically all I can think of. Some accounts getting protected or changing usernames. Sherine's account is here: https://twitter.com/KlLAMNYAZ

Both Yara and Sherine were fans of One Direction. (Kilamnyaz and Kilamzayn were already taken; it's based on what one of the other band members said to that member.)

I've discussed the idea on this site a little with my aunt. I suggested there isn't any way for her to help me now, even though in the past she could have signed petitions (the first had a goal of 100,000 signatures, I believe, but got around five, and initially just two.) That is because she is old and therefore not cool, I guess? I believe that a young female trying to contact Yara could have an effect, even one of my sisters, but I'm not sure if a male would be ruled out from doing anything. Maybe a male could have offered to be in a relationship with Sherine or something similar, but Sherine basically stopped doing anything after she reached 150k statuses on Twitter several years ago. The only ways I know of for contacting her would be on Twitter or to search for her parents' phone number and address, and she could easily deny receiving any messages sent to her on Twitter due to her inactivity. If someone wants to send an anonymous email to the administrator of this site (as seen in About page), I could tell you Sherine's family name.

Summary: contact Yara if you don't want to waste time. (She blocked me on my Twitter account, which is banned, but she only did so because Sherine blocked me because I was threatening to contact Sherine's crush on Twitter.)


The other issue. A person who "was the highest rated player in @Warcraft, now the creator of @PlayEverland", killed himself. Some other high-profile people who have killed themselves recently include the mother of popular singer Utada Hikaru; Robin Williams; and the German finance minister. I read about how Byron had become less interested in playing games; I can't find where I read this, but he expressed as much on his Twitter account early this year.

We look at this: https://www.twitlonger.com/show/n_1sra64l
And this: https://www.twitlonger.com/show/n_1sradgv

Quote from second:
Poor Becca. I was around them when they dated. They weren’t soulmates and she wasn’t the key to fixing Byron. He had a girl over a couple months ago that he seemed ecstatic about but she lived far away. When she left I asked if he had thought about Becca or missed her during the time, his answer was a firm “no”.
It wasn’t drugs, it wasn’t Becca, and this didn’t happen out of nowhere.
 
So why did he ask Byron about Becca?

Byron responded to a recent status from Becca about a game culture hostile to females, or to anyone who acts decently and expects the same in return.

Exhibit A, this comment thread from February of this year:
https://twitter.com/Byron/status/1229478832341757953

Byron: "life isn't about games"
Becca: "it's fine to spend all your time playing games"

Exhibit B, from three days before Byron killed himself:
https://twitter.com/BeccaTILTS/status/1277658772429664257
I just wish I had more information on how to deal with detrimental thoughts at a young age so that I wouldn’t just default to trying to escape them through distractions like video games instead of working through them

Stronger mental for all
Becca: "Video games are a distraction"

Second point: society is not functioning correctly. That was true when Byron killed himself, and of course is still true. Byron in March:
https://twitter.com/Byron/status/1239655157001891840
https://twitter.com/Byron/status/1239763104952504321
everyone stays home 2 weeks, the sick continue to quarantine, the rest return. but humanity is irrational
(He could have picked up on Elon Musk's misinterpretation of the graph here, but people make mistakes.)

Then: "Covid and the 90+ degree Texas summer hit around March and really isolated Byron. He loved food and nature, we couldn’t go to restaurants and we couldn’t walk around and explore."

Yet, "He was very lonely and sad. Getting him to go float on tubes on the river, something he would have previously loved, with a group of 6 girls and me took 30 minutes of pleading irl, 4 phone calls, and eventually us pulling up and throwing him in the car. He ended up having a great time and was super thankful we dragged him out."

"I went out Wednesday night and didn’t sleep at home. He spent the night with our 3rd roommate and his friends, they said he had been more talkative and fun than he had been in a while. They spent the night talking, watching movies, eating at one of Byron's favorite restaurants, he had two entrees and a boba tea."

Why go to restaurants when there is higher chance of infection with coronavirus than in March? Because people were not acting optimally.

I once asked my aunt and uncle what they thought the purpose of art was, but even I can't remember what I thought the answer was then (15 years ago). Hopefully, it was the same answer I would give now. Art makes people think in different ways. If the apparent result of the existence of a piece of art is just that people stand in front of it for a while, staring at it, then it at least gives people a new goal: "stand in front of art and stare at it, perhaps thinking about it". Since even the richest person on earth has limited time, this means the person has conflicting goals with what to do with their time, which forces them to construct their own value system for measuring achievement, which teaches or reminds them to look for the flaws in other systems that measure ability or intent (i.e. signals).

The same thing can result when someone does something confusing, like killing themselves despite having a plan to go to an expensive treatment facility in the near future, or despite that doctor-prescribed drugs have alleviated the chemical symptoms of depression. It forces people to think about their options in a new way, which encourages them to think in a way that can lead to them helping to fix problems. One person's death rarely makes any difference, though.

I should point out that if people are already accustomed to thinking critically about the systems they encounter, someone killing themselves for confusing reasons does not cause people to think in a new and beneficial way.


A comment about this:
Imagine going through a week of that in a loony bin (a bit insensitive of a term but think of a place built for people in straight jackets)
A short story. Two individuals. Both somewhat older. I'm bad at ages but I'd guess they were both between 40 and 75 years old. A male with African ethnicity and dark skin. When talked to, he would sometimes respond with something that seemed relevant, but it was often syllables that seemed to have no connection to words. But he laughed at situations that other people found funny, like when I tried to use an entry on the schedule of "music appreciation" to gain access to a room with musical instruments.

A female with European ethnicity and light skin, somewhat less fat than the average for the US where 40% of females are obese and another 26% are overweight. A family member of hers had died recently and she often didn't look at whoever in a group was speaking, but she did smile at times. During a meal, she goes over to a chair to sit down. The male in this story, who is already sitting at the table, immediately reaches out and grasps the back of the chair with his hand, and just as quickly the female turns away and heads elsewhere. I call out her name, Karen, twice, and when she turns around she sees the male has turned the chair to allow her to sit on it.

(The title is a reference to the Korean scandal. Also, I already used this title on 22 Aug 2018, in a post that has since been returned to a draft. Lame.~)

Friday, April 24, 2020

Arabian heat

This is a test of whether Sherine is aware that I'm still alive. I would like it to be more than that, such as whether she has been contacted by any governments that know of the idea, but this will have to do.

If the 'message' form, url '/ask', on Sherine's Tumblr profile continues to say

Not Found
The URL you requested could not be found.

posted

then it means that she doesn't read this site and isn't aware of anything I do online. (If it changes, it means she knows what I post here, but she might not have access to more information than that.)

Thursday, April 23, 2020

Why I expect to die

It is suddenly very loud as my brother is cutting something with an electric saw outside. I hope this doesn't prevent me from thinking.

I recently decided that I think that Sherine doesn't want me to die. If you don't know who Sherine is, I'm sorry. This conclusion was based on, among other things, remembering that when I checked certain bookmarked statuses of hers that could have suggested that she wanted me to die, they had been deleted. If people using the idea meant that I wouldn't die, and people not using the idea meant that I would die, this would have been a useful conclusion. However, I can't say that I think people using the idea means I won't die.

At one point, I posted the things I said to Sherine. This missed some early things I said, I believe. One thing I said to her early on was "Tell people [about the idea] so everyone can laugh at you and I can disappear". Maybe I said 'so I can pretend to be dead', which should have the same meaning. In any case, what I said implied that I would cease communicating with her.

I'm trying to describe what would happen, which depends on other outcomes. One layer of complexity was removed last year when I learned that the person I refer to as E. has apparently gotten married.

First, we look at the possible outcomes if Sherine had told supporters of Dzhokhar Tsarnaev about the idea in 2013 and tried to get them to share it. She may have done the first, but she definitely did not do the second. I think it's most likely that people would not have shared it, but I'm wrong about lots of things like this. I think that people won't share or talk about something that they do talk about, or I think they will support and talk about something that they don't. This may be a misjudgement of the situation that existed then, but the question I ask is "would Autumn have shared it?"

So, what if hundreds, or even thousands of supporters of Dzhokhar Tsarnaev had shared the idea? He gained 50~100k followers on social media, and it's conceivable that this number of people could have shared the idea if they believed, as I do, that Dzhokhar Tsarnaev and his brother knew of it. It's also possible that almost no one would have shared it.

If 50k supporters of Dzhokhar Tsarnaev had shared the idea, and this had led to broader society discussing and using it, the results would have been similar to people using it through any other way. But we also look at what if people didn't share it.


It is implied that I tried to make Sherine think that if she shared it, even if no one else did, then I would be 'hers' and would be able to stop caring about the idea or other people who might have been interested in me in the past. Although my 'reputational capital' was low, I was still someone with typical to above-average health and intellectual capacity in the top 1%, and I should have been able to have a normal life.

However, it was also the case that I was not sure if I could convince myself to do this. I am still not confident I shouldn't have ended my life in mid-2009 by shooting myself on the stomach with the bullets I saved when turning in all other ammunition at the end of a deployment to Iraq.


If people did use the idea, either in 2013 or at some point in the future, I think the most critical possibilities regarding what happens to me involve the person I refer to simply as 'Person B'. I think I would just wait to see if she would email me, and if she didn't, I would die. I don't know how long I would wait, but people using the idea would start the timer, so to speak, as it would be a global phenomenon that everyone who uses the Internet would know about.

One might ask here, why I wouldn't email her in this case before killing myself (or starving to death, etc.)? The answer, basically, is that I've done it before (unless my thoughts are getting confused, because I just thought of that question before answering it), and the reason I think she wouldn't email me is also that this has basically happened before.

Let's forget about the question of what I would do, though, and focus on what I expect other people to do: why I don't think 'Person B' would email me if people discussed and used the idea and realized how to solve most other problems.


First, I discuss how several times I tried to get the person I refer to as 'Person A', as well as the person I refer to as 'Person B', to meet me in the city where I lived and which I believed they were living close to as well. It may seem unusual that I acted like meeting 'Person B' would be important, given that I lived on the same floor as her for over a year. I was basically copying from the plot of the drama 'Hana Yori Dango'.

These attempts to meet failed, and after the last or one of the last ones, or possibly before that, I said that it didn't seem reasonable to expect a meeting to happen if someone didn't reply to me first — which neither of them were doing. It may seem incredible to characterize a message sent over seven years later as a "reply", but in any case, I was suggesting that I could not continue to act like it was normal for someone to avoid communicating with me.

This brings us to the period from around August 2007 to May 2008, when I was emailing 'Person A' with no reply. She did eventually send me an email, but I believe it was in response to an email I sent her, and if I hadn't sent that specific email, she would not have emailed me.

If I had ceased emailing her before she replied to me, I don't think she would have ever contacted me again. That describes the current situation with 'Person B': I was emailing her; she didn't reply; and then I stopped emailing her, seven years ago, or seven and a half if you don't count emails about the idea that were sent to everyone on my contact list.

Monday, March 16, 2020

The evil plan to stop brown people from breeding by making them rich

As I read about 47% of voters in the US saying that the economy is good or excellent (and probably still thinking about rules about paying people that imply that it would, indeed, be illegal to use this system in the US right now), I am seriously tempted to rename this site,

"An evil plan to stop brown people from breeding by making them rich, by a brown person with no money"

I am just not sure about "evil".